RAGE
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Poetry/Prose
holding back because I have to
why?
because its beyond my control?
because if I don't I'll hurt someone I love?
or maybe
because nobody really cares
and why should they?
its not their problem

wanting to scream
wanting to pound my fists into the wall
wanting to jump in my car and drive
far, far away
maybe I'd come back
maybe not
but I can't

hating my helplessness
what do you do
when what's done is done
and cannot be undone?

you just accept the unacceptable
you try to pretend normalcy
even when everything is anything but
you take a deep breath
and rethink
and reroute
and reschedule

then, in the dark
in your own private space
you cry
because you know
nobody will hear you
no one must ever suspect
no one must ever know
that your strength is faltering

must maintain courage
for those who look to you for guidance
for those who depend on you
for those who need you
but who do you turn to
when you need?

that question goes unanswered
and always will
and so you hold your rage inside
battling to keep the volcano from exploding
while battling to hold it all together
for those you love
because you
are all they have
and they
are all you have

and so you hope
that somehow
it will turn out alright

why do we think if we're bad in life
we'll go to Hell
when Hell is right here and now?
there is no Hell to fear
we're damned to stay among the living
until we atone enough
to die and go to Heaven
maybe...